I work in advertising, and I’m a bit taken aback by the visceral levels of hate here.

I mean, I know hating advertising is trendy and Bill Hicks told you to do it and all, but there’s nothing more wrong with “viral” marketing than there was with radio soap operas, newspapers, network television or the Medicis making subtle suggestions about what the artists they patronized should paint.

For what it’s worth, marketing companies that position themselves with statements like “an advertising agency that uses non-conventional communication techniques, like the creation of fictitious events or campaigns reaching the limits of legality, through which they ‘fuck the market in order to enter it’.” even trigger my gag reflex.

But here’s the thing about viral marketing you need to remember:

It doesn’t work.

Sure, it pulls eyeballs, and in the event of a launch or a significant shift in a product or service — or even a particularly brilliant idea for a tired brand — it can give you a temporary sales spike.

But it doesn’t really work. If your product or service is crappy, truth will inevitably out and said crap will get flushed.

In fact, most “viral” marketing results in a dual fail: a bad idea as a product/service flails for something “hip” to help its failing self, has bad ideas about how to “go viral,” fails at that in turn, and then collapses in a heap of useless, having spent all its resources trying to trick people into liking it.

You cannot, ultimately, trick anybody into liking your stuff. Your stuff has to have some merit.

The funny thing is that a bunch of the folks here weeping bitter tears over having their virgin eyes deceived by gutter advertising (horrors!) probably remember some viral stunts fondly. In some cases, they may never have become aware they were viral stunts.

The original Blair Witch Project, for instance, had its narrative enhanced and the experience broadened through its (dun dun dunnnnn!) viral marketing campaign.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force exposed the Boston administration as a bunch of quivering doofs with its (dun dun dunnnn!) viral marketing campaign.

Now, one of those movies was good. And one of those movies was shit. Both had a high-impact, high-spread viral campaigns.

Which of the two movies succeeded?

The non-shit movie.

At least the marketers are trying to stretch themselves here; on occasion, the results can be brilliant (I thought that The Hire was a brilliant series. Did I walk away from it groaning “Muuuust buuuy BMW”? Hell, no.) A case where a big company gave some folks a shit-ton of money for “viral marketing,” they made some great little movies, and at the end of the day nobody bought more BMWs than they were going to in the first place.

If you’re worried that you’re so wetbrained that somebody can give you several minutes of quality, thought-provoking entertainment, then end it with “Drink Poop!” and your only response will be to stagger to the toilet and start slurping, viral marketing ain’t your problem.

“Oh no! I saw something awesome and it turned out to promote a product! They tricked me! How dare they!?!”

Fuck, dude, you saw something awesome. Who cares whether or not it was to sell a product? Don’t you trust yourself enough to enjoy an experience and not fall hook, line and sinker for whatever piece of crap they tack on the end?

Have some faith in yourself. Enjoy the ride. Nobody’s going to make you do anything at the end of it.